First stop on a European adventure

Good friends but not enough time. But we'll take what we can get! Lindsey and Matt are in Europe for a few weeks and we were their first stop. It was lovely having them here-we were so busy just being and chatting together that we took very few photos.
The kids having porridge in the morning.


We went to Parc Paradisio one day. We didn't do anything touristy and maybe we should have, but I think it was a nice slow intro to their European adventure, that I hope set them up for the next couple of weeks of travel and hotel living.

And here are a few photos taken by Brendan.




Lindsey is starting midwifery school in September. We snatched a few hours here and there to share our thoughts about birth and midwifery. I'm a tiny bit jealous but can't wait to hear how it's going when she starts. She is going to be the most wonderful, calm and caring midwife and I love thinking about all the lucky women who are going to have Lindsey around to help them have empowering, gentle births.

Stories and chat

Brendan and I were reading a story in which a new baby was born.

Brendan: Mama, why is the baby in the mummy's tummy?
Me: It's growing and waiting until it's ready to come out.
B: Why does it come out?
Me: Because it's big enough so it's ready to get out of there and see the world.
B: Oh
Me: You were in my tummy too you know, and then you decided it was time to come out.
B: But when I was coming out of your tummy, I was coming out and then I went back in and then I couldn't come out.
Me: Why couldn't you come out?
B: Because there was no room and I was pushing and something was in the way, there were bricks in the way.
(all of this with extra gestures- bumping his head on "bricks")
Me: Then what happened?
B: I was stuck
Me: But then what happened?
B: Then the bricks were smashed out of the way and then I came out really really fast.

Wow, do you think he remembers his birth? :) Not that there were any bricks involved but it may have felt that way to him I suppose.

I think I should start writing down some of his stories. The other day, as we sat round a fire in the garden, he told a very long rescue story that became quite elaborate. I have a habit of prompting him by asking questions but I'm trying to just keep quiet and listen sometimes. More often than not now he needs little prompting anyway and goes off on various flights of imagination. It's often obvious which story or cartoon or real event is his inspiration but sometimes he totally surprises us with something completely random and interesting.

Tadhg is into imitating his big brother. It's very comical- he's so exact and quick to copy. It's just as well Brendan doesn't find it annoying. Our favourite time of day is when they wake up and come through to give us a cuddle and kiss and sometimes climb in to bed for a bit. Then, once they are both awake, Brendan says "Come on, Tadhg" and they toddle off to his room to play with trains or do puzzles or read books. We just lie in bed listening to them playing and Brendan speaking so lovingly and gently to Tadhg.
This morning we watched as Brendan went to the loo saying "I need a wee. Come on Tadhg, come and watch me doing a wee... This is how we lift the seat and then I pull my trousers down and then I do a wee like this, are you watching Tadhg? And then I have to pull my trousers back up like this and then we can flush the toilet. Okay, let's go back to my room now. Come on, Tadhg."
The peace usually lasts about 20 minutes and then they start to argue and push each other around and that's our cue to get up and head for breakfast.

I'm gathering some photos of our village and the centre of town and will get them on here soon. We just had our friend Anthony over from Canada for a visit. Steve and Anthony went to Amsterdam at the weekend and then to Vimy Ridge for a day trip. We also went back to the wonderful Parc Paradisio for the 4th time this year and generally enjoyed Anthony's company, sitting around the fire, talking about life, our dreams for the future, and various topics such as Afghanistan (arrghheucchh). Oh, and sharing "annoying" you tube clips.


Anyone else want to come and visit soon? We LOVE having visitors. And the spare room is nearly finished. Paris is 2 and a half hours away, Brussels is close, Amsterdam not too far, Christmas markets start next month, have a caravan, have a minivan that seats 7, have two motorcycles, lots of good bread and food and beer, Belgians are lovely and French is fun. Oh, and the chocolate is seriously good. Everyone always mentions chocolate and I just shrugged it off thinking yeah, whatever, lots of countries make good chocolate, but I am not so indifferent now. It really is good.

The cat gives birth

We were hoping that our friends' pregnant cat would have her kittens while we were house sitting so when it started yesterday morning we were pretty excited. I was just about to feed all the animals when Steve said "I think the pregnant cat is having contractions, she's making funny noises". So I put the food down thinking she might like some for strength and wondering how long a cat's labour usually lasts. So she came running and joined the others eating from their single big bowl. Next thing we know she makes a yelping noise and we look over to see half a kitten hanging out of her! We stopped eating our breakfast and watched as she walked around a bit before it plopped out onto the floor. She licked it a couple of times then walked around with another one hanging right out but still in it's amniotic sac. When that one plopped out she promptly ate both the placentas and licked them clean. A few minutes later a third came out but was obviously dead. She licked it a couple of times and then went back to the two live ones so I picked up the dead one and put it outside.
Steve meanwhile was cutting down a box and finding some paper to line it with, I was taking photos and Brendan and Tadhg were still eating their breakfast, although Brendan did come over to look a few times.
The mother seemed to like the box but left the two kittens on the cold floor so I lifted them into the box and we carried them through next to the fire. About 15 minutes later she had a fourth in the box and about 30 minutes after that she carried them one by one up the stairs and hid them under a bed. I was in awe at how matter of fact the whole thing was. I thought next time I'm giving birth I'm going to pretend I'm a cat and get it done with a minimum of fuss (minus the walking around with the baby dangling bit).
We then left them alone for a few hours and when I went up to check that all three were still alive I found not three but four strong, happy little kittens curled up with their purring mother. The thing is, I know a few women who've had birth experiences not unlike that. My last was pretty good but THAT is what I'm hoping for next time.







We feel really privileged to have been able to witness that.

Mei Tei making

Just finished the mei tei carrier I promised Jo. It's much more professional looking than the one I made for myself a couple of years ago.
The patterned fabric is one that I bought at the Djenne market in Mali. I bought the black twill here and reused some old fleece for the padding.
(I just looked back and realised we didn't do a post about Djenne- not good as it was one of our favourite spots in Mali)

There's a baby boom among our friends at the moment so I'm hoping to make three of these as presents.

I used a combination of two tutorials linked to below. Thanks very much to those girls for the detailed instructions. I still made a couple of mistakes but nothing that will affect the strength of the carrier.

http://stilllearninglife.blogspot.com/2008/01/diy-hood-to-headrest-mei-tai-tutorial.html

http://scanditute.blogspot.com/

The next one is half done and I've made it a little bigger for an older/bigger baby.

Toddling Tadhg

Tadhg standing and Brendan's woody mammoth

In the middle of a bum change. Arrghhhh.

A couple of things I've been meaning to post about for a while now.

Tadhg is now pulling himself up to standing any chance he gets. He then looks around for someone to share his excitement with and gives us the biggest smiles. In the last couple of days he has started 'walking' his feet along while holding our hands and this evening he was 'walking' towards daddy holding my hands and when he got close enough he let go of one of my hands and reached for Steve- all without being prompted. I wasn't expecting that! I can't believe he's still only 7 months old. Maybe he'll walk early but we were thinking that with Brendan and he didn't walk until 11 and a half months was it? Anyway, it's exciting to share it with them isn't it?!

And Tadhg has just got his first tooth. Ouch. Although he already eats as though he has a mouthful of teeth. He likes his food so far. Fingers crossed it stays that way.

For a while now Brendan has been calling his penis his 'woody mammoth'. It started as a misconception I think... confusion between willy and woolly mammoth and he can't yet pronounce 'l' and says 'd' or some other consonant sound instead. So 'woody mammoth' got a few laughs and consequently seems to have stuck.

Canada Day Parade

Birth Matters in the Canada Day Parade.

A few of us got together the night before (in typical Siobhan last minute style) to make a banner and ended up doing three and few other placards. The walk itself was a success I think. The aim was to raise awareness and I think we certainly did that.

Lots of thumbs up and cheers were directed our way, but many in the crowd looked a little confused so I hope we gave them something new to think about. The local paper's article on their website the next day was followed by a couple of comments about how groups with "controversial" political statements should not have been allowed to take part. This is nonsense on so many levels. There is nothing controversial about midwifery- legislation has already passed and is not in question, it's just a case of waiting and shaping the process. Secondly, and as pointed out in other comments, part of being Canadian is being able to have a say in things like this. Anyway, there is always going to be someone who is not happy. Too many New Brunswickers still think midwives are not as safe as doctors and...
All in all, a great day. In retrospect though we should have had a banner or two mentioning Canada. The whole thing was in celebration of Canada's birthday wasn't it. How old is Canada? I must check.

Midwifery is catching!

Midwifery is new to New Brunswick. At the moment there are still no midwives in the province but hopefully there soon will be! Legislation passed last year, and the government is now working on setting things up so that the Midwifery Act can be proclaimed, thereby allowing midwifery to be integrated into the publicly funded health system.

Since the day I found out I was pregnant with Brendan, when I immediately started to read about pregnancy and birth, a passion has been growing and growing inside me. I feel so strongly that it is every woman's right to be able to (at least try) to birth the way she wants to.
There are oh so many things wrong with the whole culture surrounding pregnancy and birth in our society- to the point where many of the practices that are now considered "normal" or "progressive" or the "safest" are almost barbaric when you really look at them. And I am certainly not anti-hospital or bothered by doctors or radical in any way. (Well, not really, although I totally understand those who are and where they're coming from.)

So every so often I've thought "I should do something about this". I've thought about breastfeeding support work, about birth prep classes and various other ways to help. I came across Birth Matters over a year ago and went to a couple of events they put on. Anyway, long story short, I'm now directing some of that energy into this group and trying to help with it's work.

Birth Matters is a non profit group that was initially set up to lobby the government to legislate midwifery, and is now working on putting pressure on them to follow through in a timely fashion as well as trying to encourage all the stakeholders to communicate and work together. We also want to be able to influence the way in which the midwifery model will actually work and how it will be implemented. Lots to do!

The website has more info if anyone wants to look.
A core group of 5 or so has been working on various things over the past couple of years but there seems to be a bit more momentum as we approach the date the government set for midwifery implementation. Last week I helped write a press release and a letter to the editor for our local papers.. We got a front page story last week too! We are now asking the government to be more transparent and to give regular updates on the progress. There are understandably a whole bunch of things that need to be set up. More on that later...

Last week we received a letter from the Health Minister inviting Birth Matters to nominate someone to stand on the newly created Midwifery Council of New Brunswick. We have a few people interested so tonight we're meeting to discuss it.
Thought I should include a relevant photo. Well this is close. It's not a newborn baby, but here is Tadhg having his very first taste of solid food. He managed to pick up some sweet potato and get it in his mouth but then spat most of it out and smeared it around the place. We're going to do more hands on, help yourself foods from earlier this time. Finger foods and a huge variety of tastes seems to have worked well for Brendan. (I shouldn't tempt fate but he hasn't been 'fussy' yet)

A day for staying inside

Here's our thermometer at 8am this morning. Fredericton beat a 125 year record by reaching -34.3*C today and there's a weather warning out for wind chills up to -41*C. Ok, so it's not as cold as the prairies where we have a few friends surviving much colder temperatures than here- thinking of you :)
Below is a pic of the ice on the INSIDE of our windows. You can also see Brendan's crayon artwork on the window. I'm not sure if Brendan really understood but as we held our palms on the freezing window I tried to explain why we weren't going out today!

So we stayed in and played all day. We drew, coloured and cut out some big cars for his wall, made a race track out of floor tiles which B has been pushing his buggy with doll around at full speed for what seems like hours, made a bed on the living floor and hung out for a bit, strung some wooden beads on string, read lots of books, mostly about winter, and we all had a bath and a nap. Busy day.
And I took some photos. I love this one below. It's not great quality as I took it myself on the wee camera but I wanted to get a picture of my favourite wrap at the moment. I love it when he's awake and leans back to talk to me. He started smiling at almost 4 weeks old and this week is working on talking- he puts his whole body into making little noises and gets so excited by the "conversation". There's nothing like falling in love with a new baby!
Steve will be home tomorrow- we can't wait!

Gaining Weight & Out Like A Light

Good morning;

It is 1:50am and I just woke up after falling asleep with Brendan. The wind is howling outside and the snow is blowing pretty hard from what I can see, the snow drifts are already above the side mirrors of the people carrier. Here is the current weather forecast for Fredericton airport CYFC 220539Z 2206/2218 04020G40KT 1/4SM +SN BLSN VV002 TEMPO 2206/2208 3/4SM -SN BLSN VV006. In a nut shell, it is crazy outside and it wouldn't surprise me if we lost power this morning.

As for Brendan and his sleep routine, it's going very well. Like clockwork, I brush his teeth followed by an inspection of the pearly whites by Siobhan. After a good night kiss and a hug, he usually grabs a book from the living room and runs to his bedroom. Once there, Brendan and I read the book once or twice. I then unplug the big bedroom light. This is when he puts the book beside his bed for the morning. He lies back, I sing a quick song and before you know it, he's asleep. The only problem with this whole bed routine is that I fall fast asleep with him as well.
Here's a quick picture of Brendan out for the count. He was watching the television and when we looked over, he was fast asleep.


And as for Tadhg, he's doing great. Our midwife, Kate, came for her last postnatalvisit. Mom and baby are doing great from her perspective. Believe it or not, Tadhg has already surpassed his birth weight in only 8 days. He weighed in at 10lbs 1oz. It's amazing how things can be so different between Brendan and Tadhg's birth experience.

I'm off to find some candles just in case. Ciao everyone.

Tadhg's birth story

Edited to add a warning: This story is VERY LONG and DETAILED. Mostly for the benefit of some of friends and family who are into reading this kind of thing. :)



Ok, I'll try to keep it brief. Might be hard as I'm still so excited about it all and when I get started I can't shut up!

Contractions started on Tuesday evening. They weren't too uncomfortable- just definitely stronger than they had been so I was keeping my fingers crossed that it was the real thing. At 9.30pm I decided it would be polite to call and give the midwife a heads up before everyone went to bed. In accordance with Murphy's Law, Melissa had just had a call from her other client (best friend) who was also in early labour. So I called Kate too.

So I slept lightly from about 10pm to midnight, then from midnight to 2am I listened to a hypnosis CD and then the radio before deciding I needed better music. So from 2am to about 4am I sat in front of the computer making playlists for my ipod. I started with chill out type music without words but soon found that each contraction (now much stronger) was easier to cope with if there was a cheesy, boppy pop song on that I could dance to. So a second playlist was made which turned out to be indispensible.

From 4am to 7am I slept between contractions while sitting up in a nest I made on my favourite sofa. It felt good to be doing it on my own and letting Steve and Brendan sleep. Last time Steve was up most of the night with me and I complained and made sure he knew how much it hurt etc. :) This time I was calm and just practiced breathing and coping with each contraction knowing they were going to get much stronger. I think my mindset was just different this time. I wasn't thinking about pain so they weren't really painful. I was thinking about what was happening and that it was a good thing- things were happening!

At 7am I noisily peeked in on Steve so he got up. We had breakfast and then I made a cheesecake (a proper one that you bake) and at 8.30am I tried Melissa to find she was attending the other birth, so I called Kate and told her about the night and that contractions were strong but only 6 minutes apart so maybe it was too early. She said she should come soon and see how things are. We had previously discussed that because I had had a previous C-section I should go to the hospital but that she was happy for me to stay at home until 8cm provided that progress and the baby's heart rate were both good.

Kate arrived at 9.30am, just as Emily also arrived to pick up Brendan- conveniently it was a Wednesday which is Emily's day off so she didn't have to skive off work.
Kate stayed till 11am checking the baby's heartrate and timing some contractions. They weren't getting any more regular so she went into town for a couple of hours and suggested that privacy and nipple stimulation might do the trick. She said that it is possible to go all the way with contractions never more often than 6 minutes apart but it is rare- more normally they would get closer- so I should call when things picked up a bit. I spent the time on the sofa listening to music through headphones with contractions getting stronger but remaining at 6 minutes apart. Kate called at 1pm and came back anyway and did my first internal check. I was worried that nothing was happening so when she said "and I'm touching your baby's head" and you're "a good 5cm" I was over the moon! Over the next two hours they got stronger and we tried the ball for a bit and then standing leaning on Steve. Listening to music and dancing a bit was great. Kate and Steve both put some counter pressure on my back and reminded me to relax all my muscles and breathe steadily. It never once occured to me that I might need something for the pain- I was so excited and happy- the 6 minute spacing continued which left lots of time to relax and enjoy between each one. I kept smiling after each contraction finished. :)

Two hours later at 3.30 Kate checked again and I was at 7 cm!! She said the membranes were intact but bulging so she suggested we go to the hospital because if the membranes suddenly break the last bit can be much quicker. I called the hospital to have the nurse say I was booked in for a C-section so I said uh, no, I am not, thanks... She said oh, sorry, my mistake... So we gathered stuff, got dressed, waited for another contraction to pass then got in the car. Even the contraction in the car wasn't nearly as bad as last time when we went to the hospital in a taxi when I was only three cms!

Kate waited downstairs and followed us up 5 minutes later (remember she was a "secret" midwife and we didn't want the hospital staff knowing she had been supporting us at home because of the current climate surrounding the introduction of midwifery in the province). So we went straight to a room and met our nurse, Carol. She put us on the monitor and I was worrying already that my contractions had eased off since we arrived at the hospital (this was a worry as it was what happened last time). I asked Steve to give her my birth plan and she took it out of the room with her. Kate and Steve played with all the lights to find a dim one and the monitor was annoying me so Steve just turned the volume off and told me to ignore it so I did.
Anyway, Carol came back in and asked a bunch of medical questions and then told me the issues with my birth plan. They recommended an IV just incase for VBACs so I had to refuse. She said they wouldn't get me to sign a refusal for that but I would have to sign one if I didn't agree to the continuous monitoring. I was already successfully ignoring it so I agreed to leave it on but said if it annoys me I'm taking it off. She also said that they don't like allowing a natural third stage and recommended I accept the oxytocin injection right after the birth. I said no thanks again but she brought it up again later.

Anyway, we got on with it for a couple of hours. Dr Adam popped in and said he wasn't sticking around so I was pretty happy about that. The monitor turned out not to be a big deal at all. I continued to listen to music while I leaned on Steve and Kate put counterpressure on my back. I mostly stood up and then tried kneeling over the back of the bed. Suddenly my body started to push and I couldn't breathe properly anymore. Dr Mills arrived around then and I had to really concentrate to look at her face as she introduced herself. So in the room there was now me, Steve, Kate, Carol, Dr Mills and a resident doctor called Dr. Bobby who looked about 16 years old. They were talking about how I sounded like I was pushing so Dr Bobby checked and said I still had a lip of cervix in the way so I should try not to push. Now that is easier said than done!! Whatever my brain said my body was pushing on its own so with Kate's help I tried to breathe through the pushing sensation and try not to help it. I was swearing a bit and told Steve he didn't have a clue how this felt. I was rude to Carol who was trying to tell me about the oxytocin injection and saying if I had excessive bleeding I'd end with IV drugs or something like that so I just said ok, just give it to me, I don't care... She also told me that I couldn't have both the baby on my chest AND leave the cord to stop pulsing- it was one or the other. I told her that was "rubbish" then apologised for being rude. She explained that the doctor would only let the cord stop pulsing if the baby remained at the level of the placenta and wasn't lifted higher. She said if I delivered lying on my side then the baby could be put right up next to me on the bed and we could leave the cord. I had wanted to deliver kneeling but after trying one or two contractions on the loo I lay on my side for Dr. Mills to check again and she said that I could push so I just stayed on my side and started pushing immediately. So suddenly things changed again and pushing felt like such a relief and really good compared to the last half hour or however long transition was. It felt like one long contraction and I was grateful that there was hardly any break between them as I just wanted to get on with it. At some point Kate started to hold a warm compress on my perineum and told me to stop pushing and breathe my baby out. I definitely felt a burning sensation and had Johnny Cash singing "ring of fire" in my head. It was so exciting and I remember them telling Steve he could look and see the baby's head and then Kate said I could reach and feel it and I felt a ridge like shape and said "what's that?" :) So his head was out and I looked down and remember thinking his head looked really small ?!? It seemed like a really short pause and then I was pushing again and he plopped out and was put up next to me. Steve says I basically rolled over on top of him and cuddled him and kept everyone else off him. I was totally over the moon, can't describe it. It wasn't long before the cord stopped pulsing and Steve clamped and cut it, and then I lifted him up onto my chest and a blanket was put over us and a wee hat put on his head. The placenta came out shortly after with a little push and we had a good look at it. Then Dr. Bobby put two stitches in a small tear. Carol's shift was ending so she introduced Bridget(?). Tadhg was beautifully awake and alert and took to the boob really well. Kate helped- it is really strange trying to feed a newborn again after being used to feeding a toddler (Brendan stopped at 16 months) Then all the medical people left and Kate left for a few minutes too and it was just the three of us cuddling and Steve cried and I cried some more and it was just perfect. I was so enthralled by Tadhg but also so happy to have managed the natural birth that had been so important to me. Steve and Kate were full of praise too and I was just floating on a cloud- incredible.

Anyway, Kate came back and asked if we wanted to go home. I said I'd love to but thought they'd say no, but you don't know if you don't ask, so when Bridget came back in I asked, she checked with Dr Mills and said no problem, we just had to see the paediatrician first. 1 hour and 15 minutes after he was born, Steve took Tadhg to get weighed and checked over while I went for a shower. When he told me that he weighed 9lb 12 oz I was surprised- I had been sure he was smaller than Brendan (9lb 4oz)

Kate stayed with us for a while before going home at 9 ish, then Steve left to get the car seat. I just rested and cuddled Tadhg. We saw the paediatrician at 11pm, left straight after and we were curled up in our own bed by midnight. And I can't finish without including Brendan. Emily brought him home at about 7.30 in the morning and he went through to the bedroom to meet his new baby brother. He held him and stroked him and poked him a bit, pointing out and naming body parts but all in all he seemed to like him!

Introducing Tadhg

Tadhg Patrick Riff was born last night, 10th December, at 7pm. We had a wonderful birth experience- a perfect day that went just how we had hoped. Our midwife was fantastic and the hospital wasn't nearly as bad as I had feared. We were only in the hospital for three hours before he arrived and got home 4 hours later. We were all tucked up in our own bed by midnight.
Here's a photo or two and tomorrow we'll add a (probably very detailed) birth story.

high bit of the roller coaster

This really is a roller coaster of a ride! Feeling great today. Had an appointment with the doctor- I am sure he has some sort of multiple personality disorder as a I never quite know what to expect. He wasn't "Dr Aggro" today (as a friend of mine calls him) and he actually seemed supportive and took some pressure off. He said that he should really get me to do the paperwork for a C-section on Monday but as he knows that's not what I want then he'll go along with whatever. He skimmed over the risks of waiting longer, and actually admitted they were still tiny anyway, then, get this... he implied that the main reason for agreeing to an elective section on Monday was for convenience:- because if I wait till later in the week and don't have a slot "booked" then I might have to wait in the hospital and fast for hours until they can "squeeze me in". He was suggesting that was reason enough to volunteer for a surgical birth- and this when he knows how important it is to me to avoid it as I've told him multiple times. I can only guess that some people would actually decide for that reason but for the life of me I can't understand why !?!

Anyway, the appointment went well, and today for the first time I've actually felt that labour might be imminent. I was running around this morning doing last minute things: sorting nappies, repacking the hospital bag, making a wipe solution, tidying up the spare bedroom... Steve is working a long shift today as he's flying tonight and won't be back till midnight ish. The house was tidy when he left but Brendan and I have managed to trash the place since then again. I might try to tidy up a bit before we go to bed. But then again I might just write him a loving note and ask him not to notice the mess :)
Here's a photo of the bag I finished today. Well I still plan to add a felt flower or some other decoration to it before giving it someone for christmas. It's made from an old wool jumper bought at a charity shop and felted by hot washing and drying. Also finished a birthday present for Brendan's friend, Mya, and will probably put a photo on here after her birthday.

41 weeks and snow

So when I said I thought the baby would come before the snow I was meaning the permanent snow- the snowfall that is here to stay until Spring! So we can't say if I was right or wrong until we see if this snow melts :)

It's been snowing all day and is really beautiful outside. Brendan has been going on about snowmen for a while now but then seemed particularly uninterested as Steve built a great wee snowman this morning- he much preferred being pulled along in the sled. (Here's a photo of him giving the snowman a shifty look).

Anyway, still hanging in there. Sometimes finding it hard to not to worry about what might happen if the baby decides to stay in the obviously comfy warmth of my belly for much longer. But most of the time I'm still positive and looking forward to a great birth experience.

Going to the cinema this afternoon for a little escapism to take our minds off the waiting game.
Oh, and here's a photo of the belly for a laugh.

Murphy's Law

Brendan is never ill. Until Steve is away and I am heavily pregnant and very tired and finding it painful to move around and carry him! :) I'm not complaining really, I actually like all the extra cuddles and wonder why I'm not this gentle and loving with him all the time! Last night he vomited three times before bed and then tossed and turned all night, one minute I had his feet in my face and the next he was climbing over me and trying to curl up across my neck like a ferret. At one point he rolled over and yelled "noddy bop" at the top of his voice (his favourite song, lollipop) completely asleep- I laughed for ages.

Bundled up on the sofa with runny nose.
He seemed a bit better this morning so we went to toddler story time at the library, then did some shopping for craft supplies for our Thursday morning get together with all the girls to make christmas presents.

Appointment with the doctor was non eventful yesterday. I don't see the point really. It just seems silly that obstetricians spend so much time dealing with women who have no problems and doing things that a midwife would be much better at. In case anyone is wondering, here in New Brunswick midwifery has only just been accepted and legislated for but it will be another year at least before any regulations are in place and midwives can practice in the hospital. So at the moment they are neither legal nor illegal and so can offer home births only. But that isn't possible for me as my midwife is going by the Ontario regulations which state that a first birth after a Caesarian should take place in hospital. Nevermind. Fingers crossed for a good birth experience that lets me have a homebirth next time- if there is a next time :)

Counting down...floating up.

Getting more and more excited. 26 days to my "guess date" but only 18 days to the "official" due date. I am feeling fairly large but certainly not as big or as ungainly as last time. I think I've been eating better this time (except for my love of those little round lindt chocolates that Steve keeps bringing home because I don't ask him to stop!) So physically I'm feeling great. 37 weeks, baby is head down and getting ready, Brendan is keeping me active so I'm not lazing about as much as I did last time.

Emotionally though- that's another story. This pregnancy has been a crazy roller coaster ride of hormones and emotions. The overall picture is good though- we're on the up and feeling more excited and positive about this upcoming birth every day.

So what were the worries? The fact that our last birth experience was so difficult to come to terms with (not sure I'll ever fully be at peace about it) and that this time it is even more important to us to have a natural birth combined with a feeling that the odds are stacked against us in the form of a grumpy obstetrician, a hospital with the typical hospital policies we can't stand, a note in my last hospital record mentioning a superbug which equals different treatment (more on that later) and the worry that the baby was transverse for weeks on end... and bla bla bla.

So why is it better now? I have managed to find and get the support of the only certified midwife in the province who will help me to stay out of the hospital for as long as possible. Steve and I spent some time with a woman who worked miracles and has helped me release a lot of my worries and channel my anger about last time into positive thoughts. The baby is now head down and I feel he's getting ready for the big day. However, the thing that played the biggest part in making me feel like my usual confident, happy self was my blessingway last night.

It was suggested and then organised by a friend at my Wednesday playgroup. I was thrilled because I had no desire to have a typical baby shower and had read about ceremonies that were more about celebrating the birth of the mother as well as the baby, about women showing their support and encouragement to the mother, sharing positive thoughts and energy...
It was a wonderful experience and I wish that all women could have the same thing. It's something that our culture has lost over the years and I hope we can bring back. Nine of us sat in a circle, each woman shared something, words, a poem, a story, a song, and each brought a bead to make a birthing necklace for me.
It might all sound a bit hippyish to some but it wasn't cheesy at all- and certainly never uncomfortable. Just the opposite, the atmosphere was calm and peaceful and relaxed and everyone enjoyed it. Afterwards we ate fruit and chocolate and some pastry goodies Steve had cooked for us and kept the celebration going for a while.

I felt completely rejuvenated and excited afterwards and still haven't come back down to earth!

I'll get a photo of the completed necklace on here when I can.